Orange Days

I was hoping to change this part of my destiny to be of my own choice, but I guess I can’t change it still. Just when I was thinking of the compatibility-wise concept, I was slapped up on my face from my own interest. goodness… i was never given a chance. anyway, who said life is fair? when someone you were hoping you can lean on is the one you needed, life has its own way to fuck you up and see how you would respond.

With resistance. yeah, i got that light. i couldve done worse. its in scorpios typical nature to hit anything back twice the result of what he gets, party boy did that. but lets play good. after all, just like what sunshine said, i have a saint syndrome, sometimes people take advantage of me being kind. let that be my light. i’ve enuf of arguments. i hate feeling of anger. the pressure that eats me up whole and turns me into darkness. and most of all… i love her that much i cant let her feel anger and pain. i cant say shes not my loss, neither i can say good riddance. but hoping for the better. shes one lesson learned. i just wish she could’ve been my change of my course in path.

times that you can say you really have good friends when you need them, kristine, i was with her the whole night last night just hanging out with me for coffee. kleah tried the whole day yesterday keeping me happy, inalaska ako ng inalaska hehe. friends i love most… what can i do without them.

i guess what zoey said can not be changed, i’ll have more pains before i can meet that certain someone who’s not even connected to my soul. speaking of zoey, shes one heck of a medium. still hoping to get another chance of meeting that high elevated soul. this is her last reincarnated life so i guess its best to take that chance coz i will not see her for centuries.

i still believe in the human-god concept. that we all are actually created by Him, and we are to become like Him. we are gods as well, literally! the time he shared his DNA with us was the time we are have turned to become His offspring. if we all could just tap that 90% of our intellects… that’s the time all magick, divinity and miracles will be seen again, just like the old testament. and i’m still praying that the time of human to go war with each other will not happen. just like those aliens who had those pyramids as ships and came into egypt; their war caused their own world’s destruction. i pray for not that to happen with us.

lastly, i will not post this in multiply…

matters of the heart, matters of the pocket, matters of tomorrow, matters of yesterday… yeah thats what im bothered at tonight.. goodness.. tomorrow’s due, on the 5th, waaaahhhh im consumed by mortal needs! i need a fudging miracle now!

==========================================
Be prepared today for an event that might be rather painful. The card of Death, even when it’s moderated by the benign influence of the Sun, indicates the inevitability of a temporary separation or a breakup. You will have no other choice but to turn the page and close a chapter in order to sort out the affairs of the heart and get on the road to happiness, dear William Cydrick. It does look as if there was no other solution. Maybe it’s best therefore to accept this transition and look to a brighter future. At work, there’s an organizational change or strategic adjustment on the cards that doesn’t work in your favor. The World, in conjunction with Death, seems to predict that this change in your working conditions will come out of the blue and may take you by surprise. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to stay where you are or take your chances elsewhere.
==========================================

hmmmm no comment na lang ako. yesterday was indeed a difficult day when i started thinking of where to go or what to do next.. may aftershocks pa ngayon.

i had a few chat with friends yesterday talking about someone who can
possibly open my 3rd eye. when suddenly something shook me, i was told
that someone or something wants in return to lose my memory from age
1-3 that made me think what precious memory i was keeping when i was
around that age. i then again made recollection of my past then
flashbacks came in wave by wave.

from age 7-9 i never really
tried reading my lessons in school, especially when i was 7. i was
already contented just getting a passing mark. never tried reviewing my
lessons. i took quizzes and major examinations with just whatever
lecture and whatever i thought i wrote in my notebooks (because i had difficulty reading what i wrote that time, i was writing as if i were scribbling until grade 3).
I had a crush from grade 1-6, she was my classmate only in grade 1, we
graduated in grade 6 and she’s our valedictorian. She’s now a doctor
and I doubt she has any idea that I exist. parati nya ko kinukurot nun dahil makulet akong bata.

when
i was around 5, i remember being scolded by my teacher in pre-school
coz i didnt know how to tie my shoelaces.  i had a classmate named
Cedric so i stuck up on being called William to avoid confusion in
class. I found out that the biggest guy in class named Jerome Bautista
was just within the same village (me and my other friends would even
joke around that due to their family having lots of cars, its the
furniture inside their house that are gone). Alister Ruidera the
smartest in class… he reminded me of the late Bert "tawa" Marcelo for
some reason. I had this classmate who used to wear rubber shoes
everyday. His name was Michael. I had a crush named Antonette Mendoza
who later on became my classmate in elementary in another school and in
high school, whose mom was our grade 6 terror MAPE teacher. grabe no? at the age of 6 natuto na ko magkaron ng crush hehe

But
then this is what the issue is all about… my memory from age 1-3…
what was in that memory that these entities would demand in return?
Sunshine spoke about stuff of innocence, a man’s building block and
foundation of how a person should become, purity. these elements wanted
more but i’ll have to figure out what they want else. their reason,
there is none in my lineage who possesses the gift. i’ll talk about the
2nd demand some other time.

i
remember it well when i thought about a few things… everything around
me was quite gloomy (maybe it was the rainy season). the feeling was
surreal and thought came in to me, a doubt, the feeling of being
trapped. the feeling of wanting to get out of a prison cell. i just
realized yesterday what i was asking myself when i was a kid "why can’t i move freely? why do i feel like i’m so trapped in an armor or a clothing? why do i feel like i’m alone?".
i, then wanted to break free… but i couldn’t, i was hoping then that
everything was just a dream, hoping that one day when i wake up
everything will be back to what i thought was normal.. a free spirit.
thinking about it yesterday.. i just realized, i was wondering why i
was trapped in a physical body. Sunshine tried to theorize, i might
have finished a full circle. i might be a high being.

now it
makes me wonder… what if im just a new born soul? now i need someone
who can tell me who i was? was i famous? rich? a king? knight? lord?
hero? warrior? a necromancer? a druid? one of the gods?  why do i think
like this? what am i? what was i? who was i?

*alright.. wake up*

Hello William Cydrick,

Here’s your Tarot Reading for MARCH 06, 2007.

	Love		Touchstone		Career

There’s
a sad day ahead in terms of your personal life, dear William Cydrick…
Under the influence of the Hermit, you’re inclined to withdraw into
your shell, while the Death card lends a solemn atmosphere to your
emotional situation, suggesting that a disagreement or separation is in
the air. Perhaps you need to take stock of the situation with regard to
some element of your emotional past? A person, a place, a memory.
Ponder the question, but don’t make any irreversible decisions today.
At work, this will be a good day for you to move forward
professionally. If there are certain things you’re not happy with,
now’s the time to abandon outdated practices or cut ties that are
bringing no benefit. Death signals a need to cut away the dead wood -
while the Emperor gives you the will to do so. That’s good - you need
to do clear things away in order to start on a clean slate.

ayoko na magsalita.. basta konek sya

minsan may mga bagay-bagay na hindi natin inaasahan na sumusulpot. sa mga panahon pa minsan na ito ay hindi natin naiisip na darating o di kaya sa mga pangyayaring hindi natin inaasahang lilitaw.  mga hindi mo inaasahan na magiging kadikit mo sa nakapasandaling panahon. para bang matagal mo na siyang kilala, ngunit hindi. minsan may dumarating na tipong may maramdaman ka, taliwas nga lang sa isa… gusto man itulak, nagiging magulo lang ang utak. pag ito ay naiisip mo, minsan kailangan halughugin ang mga bagay bagay ng iyong nakaraan. saka ko naisip nanaman si dion, ang aking kaibigan, ang sinabi nya tungkol sa ugali ko na gusto ko nagiisa, nagiisip, walang istorbo kahit multo bawal gumambala. napagtanto tanto ko, tama siya. dito muna ako sa silid ko. mag-iisa at mag-iisip ng ibang mga bagay. ibigay ang hilig ng iba. saka na yung para sa akin, para sa iba muna. gaya ng dati… paalam muna.

a friend asked me to write a paper about a book, luckily that certain title has been in my archive for ages. sadly, i didnt have time to read it until just yesterday when i was obliged to. lots of ideas running in my head made me lose my way how to start with the paper.  i just asked my friend if she has any draft, from there i’ll just continue writing whatever. and so she did give me a copy of what she started, i just wrote on and on.

a book about being attached to something what youre used to do or have and losing it all of a sudden. the idea of moving on and stop crying over spilled milk. the halt to the dwelling of an old happiness lost. something to remind you whenever you feel sad of losing something or someone.

i had my share of experience, and i had it done in a difficult way.  i maybe like leave-and-i-dont-mind guy in terms of relationships right now but few years back, I was like the character Hem from the book "who moved my cheese?". took me a couple of years before i really learned to move on, stubborn you should say. but yeah, the impact of experience is far a better teacher than of reading it by paper… or probably im just saying it coz im more on the emotional side than the intellectual. so, if i read the book 1st then passed thru one of the worst experiences of my life, i wonder if i’d ever be that emo me lolz!

i was playing my old mp3 list when i stumbled on hearing this one… brought back memories alright!! hell yeah they were such a pain but no regrets. they made me smile instead. happy seeing exes and former MUs who are now married, with their kids and others who are happy in relationships. all i can say is: it wasnt meant to be but who knows, someday might bring anew (which i doubt, im happier just knowing you gals are now my friends again)

Born to Love You
George Duke

You walk into my life
And change the balance of my days
With your eyes you say
I am yours and you are mine
But still something’s very wrong
No I can’t just go along
Though you want to stay
I must find a reason to delay

Chorus:

We’re not the same
You play a game
I know
But if I keep my feelings strong
I’ll find the song you sing
Though i can tell
We’re worlds apart and in my heart it’s clear
That Love has found a cloudy day
I’m here to say that
I was born to love you

Such a lovely face
With a warm and tender smile
Though I want you so
Something deep inside keeps saying
Don’t trust your heart this time
Could my mind be playing games
Am I so betrayed
That my heart and mind can never be the same?

(Chorus)

friday around 11pm
saturday around 1am
saturday past 6am
sunday 2:24am

ok so what’s going on?

generation after generation these were passed to their kids, and their kids, and to us. and we’ll pass these to our kids pero hindi nyo ba napansin? sa simula’t pagkabata ay puro nakakatakot at nakababastos na pangyayari na ang ipinasasamulat sa atin ng ating mga magulang at sa schools. ang pagkamatay ni humpty dumpty, ang katangahan ni little bo peep, kung paano tayo binigyan ng idea ng mga magulang natin para matakot sa mga gagamba thru little miss muffet, kung paano nalaglag at nabasag ng mga bungo nila jack and jill… ang sample na lang ay ang rock-a-bye-baby. tingnan mo na lang ang mga pangyayare sa kantang ito.

Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

kita mo nga naman… eh kung malalaglag yung bata?! langyang magulang naman yan oo!kung ikaw ang nanay o tatay nyang baby na yan ilalagay mo ba yan sa mga sanga ng puno? malamang hindi diba? pero baket natin itinatanim sa mga bata ang mga ganitong tragic events sa utak nila sa musmos na edad pa lamang?! ito ba ay sa pananakot na gagawin din sa atin ito? kung oo baket tayo kelangan takutin? itinanim din sa akin ito at parati ko din tinatanong nung mga 4yrs old ako na "baket nasa puno yung baby? eh di mamamatay yun pag malaglag!" sagot ba naman ng nanay ko "ewan ko", kayo alam nyo sagot?

tungkol sa pambabastos naman, o pangbubully; maiinis kayo sa mga anak nyo na lumalaking matigas ang ulo pero di nyo ba naisip na kayong mga magulang kayo ang unang nagbigay ng idea sa ganyan? paano kamo? nursery rhymes din ang sagot! sample nyan ay ang Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie;
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.

o diba? you dont want your kids to grow as bullies or pervs but youre already giving them ideas at an early age! eto pa, a verse from the owl and the pussy

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!’

pussy? a beautiful pussy?? pussy!?! at an early age your kid will know how to say what a lovely pussy you are!!! grabeng mga nursery rhymes yan!! hindi na lang ginawang cock! well kung tutuusin pareho lang din naman silang bird. pero, ito ba ang mga tinuturo ng mga tao sa mga bata!?

madami pa jan ibang nursery rhymes na nagbibigay ng kabastusan at mga trahedya na itinatanim sa mga babies, toddlers and kids. hindi ko din maintindihan bakit kelangan ipagtatanim sa mga bata ito. ano nga ba ang magandang naidudulot nyan? alam nyo ba sagot? ako hindi eh. sasabihin ko na lang pag may naisip akong sagot